She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
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well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize