HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
