I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
