In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
