I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
