you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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