I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
