Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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