you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
