I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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