If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
