I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
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It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Can I color on your dick again?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
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Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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