im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
