I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
