Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
