1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
