you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
