I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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