Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
