the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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