Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
