Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
