everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
only you would photoshop your dick
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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