I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
