Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
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So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I am one with the molecules
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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