Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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