Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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