I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
