I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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