Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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