Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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