We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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