What did we do last night that was yellow?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
