I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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