Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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