so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
