Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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