walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
