I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
