In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
