All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
