Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
