well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
