We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
its liver damage thursday
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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