i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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