I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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