Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
either way he was missing a nipple.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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