One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
