Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
