Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
