And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
