If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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