We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
