Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize