and you said cock pushups were impossible
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
