I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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