went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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