u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
