Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
