OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Randomize
