you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
