Whod you bang
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
