So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
